ABOUT me {what i've}
i am nineteen
i am a hypocrite
i seems to be happy all the time
but deep DOWN i am not...
WISH:
to find Happiness
be myself anywhere, anytime
to love myself more
express myself
find myself
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Labels: Helpless and sad =(just like the other days, i wake and left for school...
Tried to be happy as usual and of course no one finds out...
Today i attended a lesson which i have always wanted to learn which is financial accounting. Couldn't do so in my secondary school as my E maths sucks and thus wasn't able to learn POA. Though, its not totally the same but i think it seems rather fun as i like figures instead of codings and stuff.
Then as it was about to rain when i left school, the 3 of us took a cab to CWP and then went home with one of my friend. Well, my bf finished class earlier than me and off he went to meet his friend to ICA as his friend had to collect his student pass. Though we are in the same school, i didn't get to see him at all. He wouldn't come and look for me, i presume hh's far to lazy. But, what really saddens me is that he didn't allow me and one of my friend (which is his friend also) to look for him in class on tues. I wanted to just see his class and classmates and he said that it would be embarrassing. Come on, i think its just that he don't want his classmates to see me as i am too embarrassing for him to show around. How mould you feel when someone tells you that ? Probably hurting and he then came up with excuses like oh because if someone's thing were to be missing then we sort of will be the suspectas we do not belong to the class and we might disturbe him. Everyone does that, like during our break times we all go to one another's class and this is pretty normal. He also mentioned that he is in school to study...well i think this point doesn't really link to what excuse he came up with because we are going to look for him during his break not during study period. Then , I really felt inferior upon hearing it...am i really that bad ? So, we sort of have a tiff and he said that i was being childish and i asked him if he LOVED me, he didn't even bother to answer. How annoying...how i wish he wasn't in the same school as me though i am younger than him but in 3rd year while he is in 1st year because he went to ITE first before coming here. Today is just the second day of school and we are like having problems with one another everyday.
I want to be stronger and do not feel hurt on all these but in the end i find tears in my eyes and all over me. I'm trying very hard too not feel hurt can someone help me ? Pull me out from my suffering and give me happiness ?
I really wonders....
Labels: Helpless and sad =(It's been a long time since i blogged...
Times flies very fast and sometimes i really wish that time who stop at the peak but i know this would never happen. Recently, i realise that i am still not ready to trust anyone fully and i cannot even pour out my true feelings of how i really feel about something to anyone. Whenever i am unhappy, sad or angry i will just keep it to myself. I think that music would probably be the best company and the only company that i will need. AND my favourite place is the toilet because thats one of the places that i can show my feelings like cry when i am sad, laugh or keep smiling when i am happy, throw tandrum when i am angry or even show that i am scared. What a joke right ? but this is me and my life.
Pretty boring this holiday..nothing much happens except that i work, eat, sleep, goes out shopping at times or go to k-box and sing out loud.
Today is my first day of third year in school..
so far there is some of the people i know in my class which i am quite glad and my today's lesson and facilitators seems to be not too bad. Well, much better than last year as i had to study all the modules that i hate and all have to do with computer like java, c++, php, html, data communications, operating systems, system analysis and design which was BORING AND I HATE IT...though this year i will not be learning i will have to use what i learnt last year for my FYP. =(
ANother thing is my bf is sometimes pretty childish and it makes me dislike him at times. He doesn't care about me just like just now when i went to look for him just now he told me that he got things to do and have to leave immediately. He didn't even give a 5 mins...wtf and it really piss me off...i walk all the way there to hear him saying that and seems like i am a hindrance to him. And he is damn rude to me makes me really don't know how to face my friends at time. I do feel embarrasment and so dissapointed that how i wish i would dissapear on that spot. Haiish...
Don't know when will all my unluckiness and tragic things stop in my life.
